Letter From The Father By Sam Kimera

TO BE READ ALOUD AT EVERY ASSEMBLY

My dear children, I am glad to hear most of you are doing well. “Bad” is the new “Good” and “Down” is the new “Up.” From the reports I am receiving, it is clear that these fools are definitely going “Up.”Don’t get too excited yet.

You have been taught enough to know that the first priority of Christians is their upward connection to God. Their second priority is relating with everyone around them. Obviously all this is under that silly umbrella they call faith.

So this is how we destroy them:

  1.  At all costs cut off their connection to their source of power.  Cut them off at the root. Bible reading and prayer should be an event, not a practice.
  2. If step 1 fails, have them switch the order of priority. Have them focus solely on connecting with each other (and for the start, be subtle about it – It is actually good if they give their God credit for the “new-found love” they have for each other).
  3. Don’t push. There is some good in patience after all. It’s quite okay for poison to taste sweet. They are humans; soon enough, they will get frustrated with one another… The “love” will never last without their God connection.  After they start blaming each other, let them turn and blame God for their lack of love.
  4. If you do your job well up to this point, you can use our greatest power: suggestion. Suggest to them that God’s primary will is for them to be happy; suggest that they can be happier with another group of Christians, church, neighborhood and even family. Then open the door to “freedom” and gently pat them on the shoulder as they walk through.

They are silly idiots. The whole bunch is no different from Adam. But remember we don’t have time on our side. If they wake up, that will complicate the plan a bit more. All of you have been assigned to one of them. Start now.

Your Glorious Father,

Lucifer.

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(if you think this was interesting read.. Google CS Lewis’ “Screwtape Letters“)

 

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